Expectation is based on everything outside of you but, here is the thing, you are a unique person, like your partner is a unique person and the relationship that you have has never existed in the scope of humanity before. So, don’t let your expectations get in the way. Creating a healthy relationship is recognising that this is an entirely new game played and there is only so much you can understand or learn from prior games that have existed.
So, this is what I would advocate for is, ‘What are realistic expectations?’ That is a conversation you need to have with your partner. ‘This is what I want from the relationship. This is what you want from the relationship. Can I expect and rely on you to provide me with this thing that you don’t want to give me that I want?’
And ultimately, communication is the most important thing because it's like you are playing a multi-player game but if you are not communicating then it is just all in your head. So, learn how to talk to each other. And there is a common issue that I have heard from many of my clients is that they face issues after the honeymoon phase of the relationship and I am like,” Yes because the honeymoon period is like your hormones are going great. And it’s like, ahh mai gaaad, I love you so much!” And then it’s like,’ how are we gonna pay the internet bill? What are we going to do about the finances/ What are we going to do about kids? Where are we going to live? What do we do with the rent?” Those all are the things that are boring and terrible and also like, you know, part of the relationship, depending on what kind of relationship you have, right?
And so I would say that set your own expectations. Determine your own standards of love, like, don’t rely on whether it’s realistic or not. Don’t be afraid to deviate from the ‘normal’ standards of society if it doesn’t infringe on anyone’s wellbeing. So, the cool thing about the relationship is that you are the one who gets to write the rules. You and your partner get to write the rules together and you guys write whatever rules you want. It’s like,” Every Friday is crazy fun Friday, no one gets to wear clothes.” That’s fine. But remember, it should not infringe on anyone else’s well-being.
See you in the next post
Till then
Take care
Your pal
Paul
Comments