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  • Writer's pictureSubham Kumar Paul

How to Develop your charisma even if you are not attractive?

Most people are of average attractiveness and below average attractiveness and if you are one of them, you have to work so much harder than those who are attractive to engage with other human beings. It is such a struggle and it bothers me because then you end up engaging in techniques that are aimed at other people to like you. And now, there is a whole industry focused on it so that you level up your playing field with those who are naturally attractive.

For eg. You text your friend and they don’t and then when they do, you leave everything to respond to them and sometimes engage in manipulative ways so that they are continuously engaged with you. And you deserve better than that. I want you to have better than that. I want you to be in a situation where in virtue of who you are, your charisma is so developed, you naturally attract people to you because you absolutely deserve that and I am going to help you get there. But first let us understand what is charisma?

People think that charisma is physical attractiveness but modern research shows physical attractiveness is just one of the six attributes of charisma. And the most important thing is, it is not the most important ones. There are 3 most important attributes of charisma that are worth more when it comes to charisma than physical attractiveness. You may not believe it but research suggests otherwise.

Ready to know the 3 attributes and if you master them, I promise you, people will be interested to spend time with you even if you are physically unattractive.

Vision and vision implementation:

When I say vision, I don’t mean it to be a goal. Vision is something which you want to create in the future, in society. How society should be? The change that you want to create in the world. Some idea or dream that you want to manifest in the future which includes everyone around you. It is not something only regarding your life but the life all around you. Now if I ask, do you have a vision? You may probably say no. And that is fine because that is not your fault. Our school systems and societies have conditioned us not to have vision. From 5 to 22, when we are in our formative years of schooling, we have been actively trained to not have a vision because the schooling system as a factory aims to create a standardised workforce who will do society’s bidding. Our unique genius was not considered.

Another reason was that even if you had a strand of vision when you were small, your family and relatives would say otherwise, warning you that your dream would doom you of the good life and make you a beggar. If you want to follow your dreams, you will be lonely, with no partner and no respect in society. And also, how can you think of the future when the world has become such a shitty place? With wars happening and countries becoming bankrupt and the environment disintegrating, thinking of the future feels depressing and disappointing. But here’s the thing, even if it is difficult for you I still want you to cultivate it. I know, it has been beaten out of you and it is not a good idea, but if you look at the science of charisma and you want to become a more charismatic individual, developing a vision is a key part of it. And lets understand why?

Because in this world, where everything is falling apart, if you occasionally meet a human being who has a vision about their life and their future, holy moly! That is so inspiring, right? And when you have a solid vision in life, people will notice that in all of the actions that you do because in pursuing that vision, you will start to align different parts of your life and people will think,” Wow, that person is so organised.”

So how do we cultivate it? The first thing is to get rid of our goals because it has nothing to do with our goals. The next thing is to think about what are your ideals that you want to live your life by. It is not enough to have an ideal in your lie, you also have to implement it and this involves 3 steps:

1. Clarification: What do I want my life to look like when I look back on it? What do I want my life to be perceived as by other people? What would make me happy on my deathbed when my life was this way? Why do I want this? Why is it important to me?

2. Structure: When, where and how you are going to do it? It is the process and not the goal.

3. Strategic thinking: When you have a vision in your life and a direction you want to move towards and if you have figured out when, where and how, inevitably things are not going to go your way and how do you respond when it happens? And I have observed that human beings are very good at strategic thinking when it comes to work but suck at it when it comes to their own life. So what do I mean by that? It means moving on relentlessly despite setbacks and that inspires people very intimately.


If we see a campfire, it is warm, roaring and naturally inviting. We feel drawn and want to sit near it. It is similar to being authentic because if people can’t trust us, they won't be attracted to us. So we have a society which is built on trust. Dating profiles are calculated arrangements of mistrust. On one hand, you have very amazing pics but on the other hand, you don’t reveal the essential info that may make or break the relationship. Also, in this society, we know that if we are authentic, we may get punished for it but still if you keep your authenticity, people will be drawn towards you because people will know what to expect from you. The primary concern that we have in society is that people can’t trust the other so if you are one of the people that people can trust, it will add a huge chunk of charisma.

Communication Style

It is subject to the above two which means it follows the other two. Sharing your vision in a clear, authentic way to other people, not bragging about it. And the best way to cultivate it is by writing. What you are going to communicate with other people, first write it down. If we see the neuroscience of communication, it is when we write and verbalise our thoughts is the time we clarify our thinking which makes us look like a smart person. So when we open our dumb mouth, the thinking has already been done which makes our thoughts look clear. For most people, when they communicate, they are thinking simultaneously, and you tell me, how clear will it be? That’s why you don’t have conversations that are filled with brilliant revelations but if you want that, start writing about it. The simple act of writing will clarify the thoughts and then when you speak, you sound much much clearer and much more competent.

But it is also worth noticing that, physical attractiveness is a small attribute of charisma. But there are other things that you can use to level up your charisma that are under your control. And if you work on the above-mentioned attributes, modern research from psychology and business suggests that you will level up your charisma by 44% and the best thing is, this is not based on the shape of the jawline you were born with or how your face looks. And in a society where everyone is thinking about surviving, if there is a human being who has a vision they are implementing, who communicates clearly and whom people can trust, wouldn’t you be attracted to them? So give it a shot and level up your charisma and you will be thanking me. See, I don’t know how to end it because I didn’t think it through so just stop scrolling and start doing.

See you in the next post :)

Your Pal


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